I like this picture better without an explanation, so I won’t give one.
Week 11
I have made the executive decision that my week was in no way worth writing about. So I’ll take this time to present some of my less outlandish musings. It might not be what you were expecting but sadly for you, I’m the one writing the blog. So ha.
To start, a few words on grocery shopping for the twenty-something without cash to burn (so basically every twenty-something):
-Lower your standards. Unless you’re staying with your parents, you’d better learn to live without artisanal cheese and high-quality meat. Those kinds of things cost enough to make you seriously question your ability to survive in the real world. And fresh seafood is basically a myth, where we’re concerned; you’re not gonna be getting any.
-Name brand is never the answer. Switch your Fruit Loops (yes, I eat Fruit Loops; I wasn’t allowed as a kid so this is how I celebrate adulthood) to Rainbow Circles, your Land ‘o Lakes to Butter It’s Not (that’s a real thing) and, if you’re as compulsively tightfisted as I am, your Kraft Singles for whatever the hell is actually in those individually wrapped squares of “cheese product”. I kid you not, with only one or two exceptions, (never, never buy one ply toilet paper) store brand is just as good as all those fancy, recognizable names.
-Don’t let anyone tell you Ramen and Easy Mac can’t be dinner. Maybe don’t brag to your parents about this one, but either “pasta” is totally capable of filling you up for about a dollar (Ramen is so cheap I’m not even sure it’s food. But it is delicious so I don’t ask questions).
-Lastly, pick a grocery store, get a member rewards card and stick to it. Even if you’re only spending twenty bucks at a time, the points truly do add up and I feel a little bit like I’m cheating when I go anywhere but my Piggly Wiggly.
And now for a couple thoughts/questions I figured I’d throw out for your contemplation:
-I think that all solid printed shirts are secretly striped; it’s just that there’s only one stripe visible.
-How come pants are called pants? Is it because each leg is one “pant”? And if that’s so, then why isn’t a shirt called shirts? They have two arms so, following pant logic, shouldn’t each be a “shirt”? Actually, it might be easier if pants were the ones that changed. They should be called a pant. That way, when you say you’re wearing a pant, I know you’re only wearing one. If you tell me you’re wearing “pants”, I can’t be certain; maybe there’s a pair hiding under the ones I can see.
-Why do we all pretend that swimming in the ocean is not disgusting? I love a good frolic in the surf as much as anyone, but we all secretly know that we’re splashing around in that guy up stream’s piss. That’s not to mention all the animal poop and carcasses that are undoubtedly floating about in there. Think about that next time you wipe out body surfing and swallow a nice big mouthful of ocean water. Or maybe don’t.
-Why has no one thought to build trampoline stairs yet? Imagine how much more fun climbing steps would be if you could just bounce up. I bet the Statue of Liberty would get even more visitors if they made the stairs little trampolines. I might even climb it then.
-I like to picture camels as the original water bottles. In my mind, if you lopped off a camel’s hump, there’d just be a bunch of water in there, sloshing around. Then, if you were lost in the desert, all you’d need is a good sharp sword and a straw. Find yourself a camel, beguile it with your charm until you’ve lulled it into a false sense of security and bam: fresh water.
I can’t think of any more at the moment, so those will have to do. In retrospect, I apologize for this post and I promise I wasn’t baked when I wrote it.
Marco...? 